q: if mothers have mother's Day and fathers have Father's day, what do single guys have?

A: Palm Sunday.

john: "Did you hear the one about the father shoe?"
Sara: "No, what about it?"
John: "It was it's family's SOLE support!"

two ladies, a yankee and a southern belle, are sitting next to each other on a plane. the southern belle turns to the yankee and asks, "So, where y'all from?"

The Yankee replies, "I am from a place where we do not end our sentences with a preposition."

Without missing a beat, the Southern Belle bats her lashes and asks, "So, where y'all from, bitch?"

there was once a stockbroker who had made a ton of money off the stock market and decided to retire to a ranch in montana. one day he was out in his front yard planting some flowers when he sees dirt flying up behind a truck. the truck pulls into his driveway and a famer gets out of his truck.
"Hi, my name is Bob. I'm your neighbor. I live about five miles away and I came to invite you to a party I am having tonight."
"What kind of a party is it?" asks the stockbroker.
"Oh, we're going to do a little dancing, a little fighting, a little eating, little drinking, and a little screwing."
"That sounds great,' said the stockbroker. "What should I wear?"
"I don't care," said Bob. "It's just gonna be the two of us."

q: why did the belt get locked up?

A: He held up a pair of pants.

as pothead walks down the road, a genie appears in front of him. "I'll grant you two wishes," says the genie.

The pothead replies, "I want a never ending joint."

The genie says, "As you wish," and gives him the joint.

The pothead takes a long drag and says, "Awesome! I want another one!"

yo mama's so poor, a cockroach crawled across the floor and I stepped on it and she said, ''Now what do we do for supper?''

a woman visits a fortuneteller who tells her, "Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, the woman takes a few deep breaths, steadies her voice and asks, "Will I be acquitted?"

three old ladies sit in a diner, discussing their health.

One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down."

The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn't remember whether I was going to sleep or had just woken up!"

The third lady smiles smugly. "Well, my memory is just as good as it's always been, knock on wood," she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?"

how many ibm employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10,000: one to hold up the light bulb, and 9,999 to turn the building around.