a blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right tools, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake. after getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice. then from the heavens a voice boomed, ''there are no fish under the ice.''

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate and started to cut yet another hole in the ice. The voice boomed, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.''

This time quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice. Then she started another hole and once again the voice said, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.''

The very scared blonde raised her head and said, ''Is that you, Lord?'' The voice answered, ''NO. IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK.''

q: what's the slowest thing on 80 wheels?

A: A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables.

q: what did the blonde ask santa claus for christmas?

A: Five golden dings, four calling nerds, three French men, two purple gloves, and a bar fridge and a party.

yo mama's so fat that when she sees a school bus she yells, "Stop that Twinkie!"

yo mama's so fat, she uses a semi-trailer as a couch.

q: what do women, tornadoes and hurricanes have in common?

A: They all get the house.

q: bush has a short one. sarkozy has a long one. cher does not use hers. what is it?

A: A last name.

q: what do women, tornadoes and hurricanes have in common?

A: They all get the house.

two men have been sitting out on a lake all day long, ice fishing. one has been having no luck at all and the other has been pulling fish after fish out of his hole in the ice. the man having no luck finally leans over and asks the other what his secrect is.
"mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm."
"I'm sorry, what did you say?"
"mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm."
"I'm sorry, I still didn't understand you." The successful man spits something into his hand.
"You've got to keep your worms warm."

q: what did one casket say to the sick casket?

A: Is that you coughin'?